Boudreaux & Thibodaux Go Hunting

One day dem bestest friends Boudreaux and Thibodeaux go hunting, but dey get lost in dem woods.

Boo begins moaning about being lost forever, and how much he gonna miss eatin' crawfish and dancin' at da fais do do wit his wife Clotile. Thibodeaux said, "You know, I heard dat da best ting to do if you get loss is to fire tree [three] shots up into da air."

So dey do dat and wait a while. When no rescue party shows up, dey fire tree mo' shots.

Finally, when dere is still no response, Thib says, "Well, I guess we better fire tree mo shots again, yeah."

"OK, if you say so," Boo answers. "But somebody better come soon, yeah -- we juss about out of arrows!"

[See why we call it da Sportsmans Paradise down here?]

If you've got free time and feel like doing something creative today, check out yesterday's story/poem starter. Now, have a great and wonderful Sunday, you!

Come Out and Play with Me (Poem/Story Starter)

"Life was good until I opened that box."

Let's play! Leave a few lines or a poem stanza to go with this beginning. I see your minds buzzing with possibilities, so share your thoughts and creativity in a comment. You don't have to be a writer or poet to play along; just unleash your imagination!

We used to do this kind of exercise in my writing group. The results always amazed me, and often produced seeds that grew into larger works/poems.

Sometimes the free writing evokes a childhood memory or gives birth to a great story idea. Here's what I mean. Calling out my blogging playmates brought to mind an old childhood clapping game song. (Did you ever sing those songs with corresponding clapping which followed the rhythm and rhymes? It was a popular schoolyard recess thing to do. You sang faster and faster, inevitably losing the clapping sequence and ending up in a pile of giggles.) Anywho, one of those songs bubbled up in my head writing this post. Natch, I then had to do some research.

Finding the actual "Friendship" song brought back fond memories, and now I'm going to use the song or parts of it in a poem or story somehow because it really spoke to me. Yeah, call me weird. Here's the little ditty:

Say, say oh playmate
Come out and play with me,
And bring your dollies three,
Climb up my apple tree,
Cry down my rain barrel,
Slide down my cellar door,
And we'll be jolly friends
Forever more, more, more, more, more.

Say, say, oh playmate
I cannot play with you
My dolly's got the flu
Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ain't got no rainbow
Ain't got no cellar door
But we'll be jolly friends
Forever more, more, more, more, more.

So....getting back to the topic at hand, what happened when you opened YOUR box?

*And no need to thank me for the ear worm.* :)

I've Just Got One Thing To Say...

May your day and weekend be as beautiful as this:

Dialog Question

I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on agents yesterday, and hope we continue the dialog as new folks chime in!

And speaking of dialog, today I've got a few questions for you about the exchange I wrote in yesterday's post:

The coffee chat between myself and a writer friend is exactly the kind of thing that fills my women's fiction manuscript. It's pretty raw for some readers, I know, but it's real. That said, is it so "in your face" that it would turn you off as a reader, or does the humor mitigate the "unladylike" language, (which by the way, is a big fat no-no for southern women of a certain age, myself included)?

You won't hurt my feelings, friends, so hit me with the truth. And scroll down to the green & blue recap below if you don't know what I'm talking about. Feel free to vote in the poll too! As always, I 'preciate your thoughts.

Finally, here are a few tips on crafting dialog~~

• Reading your dialog out loud helps. The ear distinguishes between what is a stilted, fake-sounding conversation and the real deal.
• Study the techniques used by favorite authors in their books. Ask yourself what works for them.
• Keep dialog tags to a minimum. When the reader can easily follow who's speaking, there's no need to add "Susan said" after every line.
• "Said" is the best tag. It allows the reader move quickly through the pages vs. getting bogged down with sentence additions such as, "...John questioned with brow furrowed." or "...she answered forcefully."
• Balance narration and dialog. Big wads of either make for bored readers.
• Limit the use of dialect in characters' conversations, unless it's so ingrained in you as to be totally real and believable.
• Giving your characters verbal tics and peculiarities is another way in which you can distinguish them from one another and add to their unique POV. [EX Characters' often repeated favorite sayings, breathless yammering, strong-silent minimalism, lots of giggling or a tendency to stutter/pause, etc.]

For more on the writing dialogue, check out this article. See ya tomorrow!

Agent Bad-Mouthing

Back story: I was having coffee and yapping with a dear writer friend recently about the "joys" of manuscript revisions, the process of finding an agent and the whole path to publishing thing. After that conversation, all I can think is although we are alike in many ways, we definitely are not of one mind on the subject of literary agents.

Here's the actual convo (as well as I can recall it):

Her: "I'm just tired of the whole agent thing. From what I can see, and what other people tell me, agents are all about the money."

Me: "I don't know who you're talking to, unless it's some disgruntled writer who doesn't know *hit from shinola."

"The whole industry is just sucky now, and the bottom line is always the almighty dollar, Angie. If you can't practically guarantee you can sell a bazillion copies of your book, you'll never get a top tier agent. All they see is dollar signs...not the actual writer or potential of the manuscript."

"I do agree publishing is like any other business and no business I know of intentionally sets out to take wild or bad risks that'll put them in the red, but I do not believe every agent is blinded by dollar signs in their eyeballs to the point they can't/won't recognize good literature and whatever ingredients make up a good book!"

"You're just naive, then, or you're not wanting to see. Don't you read industry publications, writers' blogs and those agent-outing sites?"

"Yeah, I read a lot, but I'm not gonna steep myself in negativity, and I don't discount that what you're taking for gospel is a lot of sour grapes from writers who've been turned down."

"Hmph. Believe what you wanna, Pollyanna. I'm just telling you, agents aren't human like me and you. It's like idealistic politicians who go off to Washington. After a while, they forget why they ran for office to begin with and start grabbing for the star status and benes."

"Dayum, girl, that's cynical. And you've just lumped every agent into a nasty heap. Want some more coffee...or have you had too much today already?"

"Yeah, fill 'er up. And, no, I'm not a cynic; I'm a realist. I'll put it like this -- I''ll bet you a Cajun surf 'n turf [Rib eye with crawfish topping] that there's not a single nice, "real" credentialed agent left. One who really cares about his/her authors and doesn't just see a manuscript as a money-making 'product.'"

"Now, girlllll, how in the hairy hell am I supposed to prove that to you? Your 'facts' are stoo-pid anyway because there are literally tons of books that don't end up making back an agent's percentage. And I've met really nice agents at conferences, have dined and had drinks with them and I promise you, they are real. I can give you tons of agent blog links so you can see for yourself they've got hearts..."

"Nah, anybody can have a blog persona. Don't mean squat. Just more trolling for money making possibilities."

"Okay, what would work for you? And, by the way, you do realize that this negative mindset of yours may be a self-protection method you employ because you really don't have faith in the merit of your manuscript. Right?" *laugh*

"Say what ya want, wise a$$, but I know I'm right. How's this?...you get one agent to make a comment on your little blog and I'll reconsider my opinions as to agents' humanity. How's that?"

"Like big agents have time to come check out Gumbo Writer's little corner of the Blogosphere and open themselves up to nuts like you by commenting? Would you do that if you were an agent, Ms. KnowItAll?"

"Sure would. Now, all's I'm saying is two more things on this subject: surf 'n turf.......and........double dawg dare ya! Ha!"

*****

Here I am this morning, swilling my coffee and fuming over that frustrating chat. Not because I think she's right (I don't!), but because I have no way to prove to her that her head's up...a tree. Besides the matter of who's right and who's wrong, I have never once in my life backed away from a "double dog."

So, writerly pals, is my friend right and I'm the crazy delusional one? Please help a sistuh out by leaving a comment, or recap of your own experience with agent(s) and/or by voting in the poll. I'll leave it up until next Wednesday.

Oh, and if your sister-in-law or first grade teacher or manicurist's uncle happens to be an agent...could ya beg 'em to stop by and leave a comment. "ANGIE'S RIGHT! I HAVE A HEART! SIGNED, Lit Agent" or something will do just fine. LOL

I mean..............double dawg + surf 'n turf.......I gotta go for it!

PS. If you missed the contest winners' work with professional edits Monday because you were out celebrating Memorial Day, hop back to the post and feast your eyes. :)

Healthy Refreshing Summer Treat

Mmmm, doesn't this look good and refreshing? And since I'm all about easy, this recipe hits the mark with me.

No-Churn Green Tea Ice Cream

1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 cup water
1 Tbsp green tea powder

3 drops green food coloring

1 cup whipping cream

2 egg whites

2 Tbsp sugar

Bring sugar and water to a boil to form a syrup. In a bowl, mix the tea powder into the syrup. Beat thoroughly to dissolve, then let cool. Cover bowl and freeze for 3 hours or until completely frozen.

Remove from freezer and beat mixture to break it up. Return to the freezer until frozen again. Remove and beat mixture again. Put it back in the freezer until it becomes like the texture of sherbet. Add whipped cream to bowl and mix well.

Add food color. Freeze for an hour. Beat egg whites until stiff, then add in two tablespoons sugar. Beat well. Combine with frozen tea mixture, and then return the whole thing to the freezer until time to serve. Garnish with fresh mint sprig or fruit slice.

Winning Writing + Edits = Learning Opps

*Y'all know by now the graphic above expresses the opposite of my way of thinking, but just wanted to mention in case you're new 'round here. And if so, welcome!

Good morning, boys and girls. Ms. Ledbetter hopes you are having a fine day away from "school," and that you are remembering to celebrate the important meaning of Memorial Day here in America. Whilst you gaze upon the smoke rising from your barbeque pits, please take a moment to think of/pray for our military men and women and their families. Thank you. :)

The last word on the Gumbo Writer Writing Contest is that I think it was a great experience for everyone, but I realize I may be a tad prejudiced in my thinking. I know I benefited by reading your awesome entries. Getting to see examples of good word-crafting reinforces the importance in my own writing. Looking over Nannette's edits of Barb's and Michelle's work reminded me too of the necessity of sharp eyes and editing pencils. It also made me feel good we made some of the same comments to the submissions. And I think everyone (submitters and readers alike) learned a bit about what sets great writing apart. Hopefully, we see that we must put our writing out into the world, even when it hurts. That's the only way we can grow and improve.

Sooooo, here are the winners' work again, with permission, and Nannette's line editing comments. Please enjoy. And remember...you are subject to a pop quiz at any time. *snirk*

Note: No need to click on the editing markers within the work itself. They are spelled out fully beneath each piece!

Let me know if you found this post helpful, so I can make plans for future contests!

Edit of Michelle's ~~~~~ [removed by request of author]


Edit of Barb's short story extract~~

This is a very nicely written excerpt of historical fiction. Writers of historical fiction need to walk a fine line, telling readers who may not be familiar with an era or incident what they need to know without sounding pedantic. You do this very well by pulling your readers right into the time period with small hints. “The guard” calls her name. The ship is a “a prison” they took with them. From what I read, I wasn’t totally sure of the situation. I guessed they might be traveling to Australia? But this is just an excerpt from the story, and I’m sure that becomes clear further on. In the meantime, you create tension and pique readers’ interest right from the beginning by telling us that the main character doesn’t want to be identified as a Clegg.

One thing you want to watch out for is overuse of the verb “to be.” “Is” and “was” can’t be eliminated entirely, but the standard structure of subject and verb “to be” feels draggy and bland if used too much. You can punch things up a bit by varying sentence structure and using stronger, more active verbs.

Overall, though, this is a worthy submission deserving of first place. You’ve made me very curious about the rest of the story.

Extract from a short story

I had never met the sea. I didn’t know that the land just stopped with nothing until the rocks and water below[NC1] . And the sound. It was like thunder at ground level rather than high above. I was afraid of it but I wouldn’t let it show.[NC2] Walked with my head up and my steps measured. Clean I was, when I entered that ship.[NC3]

Not that I knew a body[NC4] . When the guard called my name from his list, there was no one to recognise me. But it wasn’t loneliness that settled on me, it was relief. Now I could leave things. I didn’t have to be one of those Cleggs, said with a certain look[NC5] . I could keep clean and private[NC6] .

It was trouble for me at first. Being on this floating dungeon, a prison that we took with us. The sickness rolled through me, but vomiting at the railing made things worse[NC7] . Every time I looked down in the grey waters I realised there was nothing holding me.nothing held me. This ship was nothing to the sea. If the planks of wood were gone, I would be falling without end.Only planks of wood came between me and falling without end[NC8] .

The days had a deep rhythm[NC9] . I was woken by the growing heat below decks, the light not reaching down there. At first I walked the decks avoiding others. But then I heard more food was given to those who worked. When one of the guards came looking for a midwife I presented myself. I know it had only been lambs, but birthing is all the same[NC10] .

It was a different life with the free settlers. They had lanterns and sheets and meat without slime.[NC11] Some evenings I allowed myself to dream that it could be so for me. I started to wonder about a future and how it would be on the land. Maybe I could find myself a man. One who was weak and who could be driven. One who was foolish enough for my needs. A weak man, who could be driven. One foolish enough for my needs.

I birthed their babes. I cleaned them up and made them soup. All the time I was watching their men folk, looking for the links and discovering who belonged where. I gained a name as a healer and people were askingasked for me. What I didn’t know, I guessed. It was clearI learned that broth and sleep could help most things. I lost a few but that was expected. Wrapped in their cloaks we lowered them into the sea.

Sometimes a coin was pressed into my hand [NC12] and I sewed it into my hem. Feeling them brush my ankles as I walked, I wondered what it would cost to buy my way out. It was while dreaming on the deck like this, that I heard the end of it. ‘Why that’s Clegg. She knows the future. A true caulbearer.’ I could have sobbed at those words. The gig was up and I had to go back to being me.[NC13]

[NC1] Great introductory line and very evocative.

[NC2] This is what I referred to in my critique. Two sentences in a row start with a pronoun followed by “was.” Think about varying the structure and/or employing stronger verbs. E.g. Instead of “I was afraid” you could say, “I feared it” or “It caused fear in me.” Especially in the first paragraph, you want to establish a stronger voice with your readers.

[NC3] Maybe a comma here, to make it read better?

[NC4] Love the use of vernacular. A great way to tell us who this woman is.

[NC5] Terrific. I love the way you keep putting out a little more line before you reel us in.

[NC6] I like the use of the word “clean.” We can’t help but wonder what it means in this context.

[NC7] These are the kind of sentences you want. “The sickness rolled over me” is a great way to describe sea-sickness.

[NC8] A s noted in my introductory letter, I’m not saying these are the exact words you should use. These are just examples of how you could punch up these sentences to greater effect.

[NC9] Deep rhythm works with the image of the sea. Also the next sentence is one of those where the verb “to be” works. You don’t need to strike it from every single sentence. Too many strong verbs and convoluted sentences can be over-kill.

[NC10] This confused me a little . On first reading I thought she was being asked to birth lambs.

[NC11] This says it all.

[NC12]This is another sentence where it works.

[NC13] Now we know who he Cleggs are. This is good.

Dem Boudreaux & Thibodaux Again

I've been scarce lately, but plan on getting around to your blogs today and catching up before I go into severe withdrawals. Besides juggling the three teen kidlets and one of their graduations, the writing contest took up quite a bit of time...and we're putting together the summer edition of The Rose & Thorn Literary zine. I hope when it goes live, you'll all visit and enjoy the awesome prose and poetry selections served up for our readers.

Now, on with some mo' of dat craziness of those two crazy Cajun friends, Boo & Thib~~~

Boudreaux live across dat bayou from Clarence who he don like at all. Dey all de time yellin' across de bayou at each udder. Boudreaux, him yell to Clarence, "If I had a way to cross dis bayou, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah!"

Dis went on for years. Finally one day, de State done built a bridge across dat bayou right by dere houses and Boudreaux's wife, Marie, say, "Now's you chance, Boudreaux. Why don you go over dere an beat up dat Clarence like you say?"

So, Boudreaux, him say, "OK," and start across de bridge. But he see a sign on de bridge and he stop to read it and den he go back home. Marie say, "Why you back so soon?"

And Boudreaux say, "Marie, I done change my mind, cher, 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence. You know, Marie, dey got a sign on dat dere bridge dat say, 'Clarence 13 ft. 6 in.' You know, he don't

look near dat big when I yell at him across de bayou!"

Flowerspeak III

Good Saturday, all. Hope you got a little extra sleep this morning like I did, followed by your favorite wake-up beverage.

On the writing contest, your emails and comments let me know you really enjoyed it and found the editing suggestions helpful, so we'll do it again soon. And when Nannette Croce, Editor Extraordinaire, finishes her critiques, I'll see about posting some examples so we can all glimpse another editorial mind at work. I love win-win situations. :)

Winners' prizes are in the mail, but as two are going abroad, it might take a while.

You shared with me some of your favorite flowers last week, and one of you talked about passion flowers. Not being familiar, I did a bit of research. That same day, a dear nurse friend of my mom's brought her some from her garden. Ah, synchronicity!

Passion Flower (Passiflora Incarnata): Found worldwide except in Europe, Africa and Antarctica, this variety flourishes in the U.S. Different members of this family produce edible fruit. The Maypop's leaves and roots were used by Native Americans and colonists for teas and painkilling applications. [More here at Wikipedia.]

In the 15th Century, Spanish Missionaries noticed much symbolism between the flower and the last days of Christ:

• The pointed leaf tips represent the Holy Lance which pierced Jesus' side before He died.
• The flowers' tendrils resemble the whips used to punish Christ.
• The faithful Apostles (minus St. Peter the denier and Judas the betrayer) are represented by the flower's 10 petals and sepals.
• Radial filaments, which can number over 100, resemble the Crown of Thorns.
• The chalice-shaped ovary with its receptacle symbolize a hammer (for the nails used to crucify Christ), or the Holy Grail.
• The three stigmata represent the nails, and the 5 antlers below them, the wounds of Christ (four by the nails, one by the lance).
• The blue and white colors of many passion flowers represent heaven and purity.

Why do I find that particularly fascinating? Because I love symbolism found in nature as well as literature. It's another way we are "spoken to" if our ears are attuned.

Has nature whispered to you lately? What did you hear?

Winning Entries Unveiled (Along with Some Blingage)

As I've said, picking the winners of the contest was hard since there were so many contenders to consider. I tried my hardest to be "strict but fair" (as I've always said about my Dad). There were only two entries that received a 5 Crawfish rating, so both deserved winning recognition. Please feel free to take the blue ribbon to your blog.

That said, remember, "acceptances" from editors, agents, publishers, etc. is a VERY subjective thing. Each person reading looks for something different...that indefinable "it" that sings to the reader's soul. That's why it is SO important to never be discouraged by "rejection." Each person issuing the acceptance or rejection is using different criteria by which to judge. It's a matter of personal taste and/or a set of guidelines we have no concept of; exactly like what people look for in art. I may love Rembrandt while you go for Grandma Moses. Your work might be dead on target, but perhaps the agent or publisher has just recently taken on a project very similar to yours.

This all goes to reinforce the necessity of putting your work out there. With persistence and hard work, you will find the right set of eyeballs, providing it is as clean, tight and well done as it can be.

Winner #1's work (Michelle/Lady Glamis) was chosen because I loved the depth and complexity of it. I was forced to read it several times, and each time I found something new I'd missed. There are layers here, people! It also is a highly unusual mixture of the elements of prose and poetry I've rarely read. The voice is lyrical, and the use of sensory details and symbolism rang my bell.

Without further ado, I present for your reading pleasure...

[Entry removed by request of author after contest.]
~~~~~~~

Winning entry #2 comes from Barb Ettridge. It is an excerpt from a short story. I liked its unusual setting and premise. The character development was well done and interesting. I particularly loved that I did not know if the MC was male or female until I got about halfway through. (Yes, I like surprises, and I like writers who give readers credit for being smart enough to figure things out, or to be able to wait while things unfold.) Barb's writing did an excellent job of showing vs. telling too. I also enjoyed the variation in sentence structure and length. Here ya go:


I had never met the sea. I didn’t know that the land just stopped with nothing until the rocks and water below. And the sound. It was like thunder at ground level rather than high above. I was afraid of it but I wouldn’t let it show. Walked with my head up and my steps measured. Clean I was when I entered that ship.

Not that I knew a body. When the guard called my name from his list, there was no one to recognise me. But it wasn’t loneliness that settled on me, it was relief. Now I could leave things. I didn’t have to be one of those Cleggs, said with a certain look. I could keep clean and private.

It was trouble for me at first. Being on this floating dungeon, a prison that we took with us. The sickness rolled through me, but vomiting at the railing made things worse. Every time I looked down in the grey waters I realised there was nothing holding me. This ship was nothing to the sea. If the planks of wood were gone, I would be falling without end.

The days had a deep rhythm. I was woken by the growing heat below decks, the light not reaching down there. At first I walked the decks avoiding others. But then I heard more food was given to those who worked. When one of the guards came looking for a midwife I presented myself. I know it had only been lambs, but birthing is all the same.

It was a different life with the free settlers. They had lanterns and sheets and meat without slime. Some evenings I allowed myself to dream that it could be so for me. I started to wonder about a future and how it would be on the land. Maybe I could find myself a man. One who was weak and who could be driven. One who was foolish enough for my needs.

I birthed their babes. I cleaned them up and made them soup. All the time I was watching their men folk, looking for the links and discovering who belonged where. I gained a name as a healer and people asked for me. What I didn’t know, I guessed. It was clear that broth and sleep could help most things. I lost a few but that was expected. Wrapped in their cloaks we lowered them into the sea.

Sometimes a coin was pressed into my hand and I sewed it into my hem. Feeling them brush my ankles as I walked, I wondered what it would cost to buy my way out. It was dreaming on the deck like this, that I heard the end of it. ‘Why that’s Clegg. She knows the future. A true caulbearer.’ I could have sobbed at those words. The gig was up and I had to go back to being me.

~~~~

So, what'dya think? Good stuff, hunh?

***********

Thanks to Anita (Firestalker Girl) for the nice blog bling called "Love Your Blog." And also to Michelle (Lady Glamis) for the "Proximity" merit badge. The description attached to this award reads:

"These blogs invest and believe in the proximity - nearness in space, time and relationships, they are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends, they are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement! Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers!”

I appreciate the gifts, ladies, and will wear them with pride!

Contest Results!

First, just let me say, I didn't expect the contest to be so hard to judge! There were so many really good entries, I truly was surprised. In the 23 submissions I read, there wasn't a "bad" or "mediocre" one in the bunch. You are already ahead of the game because you put yourself "out there" and entered this little blog contest. Please stop for a moment and pat yourselves on the back right now. I hope through this process, you are encouraged to keep writing and submitting your work around!

Next, thank you for your patience since I'm a day late announcing the winner. And as a writer myself, I know how hard it is to submit anywhere, much less to a person you only know by virtue of having "met" in cyber space. It takes a certain amount of trust to turn yourself over to another's editorial eye...so I thank you for feeling I wouldn't do ya wrong.

One of the reasons I didn't finish on time as planned is that I wanted to give each and every entrant a mini edit/crit on their work, so that took a lot of extra time! I hope you enjoy the comments and find them useful. As I'm writing this in the wee hours of Thursday morning, I'll be emailing your entries back to you with comments, editing suggestions and the promised Crawfish Rating System included. [There was a possible 5 crawfish you could've gotten on your entry.]

I studied your work carefully, read it several times, and had an independent reader weigh in with a second opinion just to keep things legit. (Two heads better than one, right?) So...without further ado, here's the scoopage...

There are TWO winners. Yes, a tie!

Michelle (Lady Glamis)

and Barb Ettridge (Miss Barb)

And in a surprise random drawing from all entries, Sandra Leigh (Amazing Voyages of the Turtle) has also won a prize. (Please email me your address!)

I absolutely couldn't pick a single winner of the writing contest. Michelle and Barb, we'll talk in email about who wants which book, and I'll send both of you a coffee prize when I get your addresses. I'll need your permission to post your winning writings also. Editor Supreme, Nannette Croce, will be sending your entries back with comments shortly.

Did you enjoy the contest? I know I did.

Write on, dear writers!

Running Behind

I'm running near empty and way behind on everything right now due to some family issues and working all weekend. Hope to get the contest results up later today, and am enjoying the entries I've read so far!

I think I can, I think I can...

Thank you for your patience and understanding. Have a great whatever-today-is. LOL