Thanks to friend Laura (aka Stompy) for forwarding this, and to Marilyn for the second one. Hope you get a few giggles like I did~~~Yesterday I was at Wal-Mart buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow for my dogs Dexter, Gypsy, Sky & Blade. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
Since I had little else to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog. I was starting the Purina Diet again even though I shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side, though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.
I told her it was essentially a perfect diet. The way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no - I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt when the car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
~~~~~
And because swine flu fills the news...As the two friends wandered through the woods on their way home, Piglet grinned to himself, thinking how lucky he was to have a best friend like Pooh...
...and Pooh thought to himself, "If the pig sneezes, he's freakin' dead!"
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