Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Snark Bite C-O-N-T-E-S-T!

Hey there, ladies & germs. It's been too long since ol' Gumbo Writer rolled out a blog contest, dontcha think?

In order to rectify that, today's the day!

Here's da rules~~~

1. Get out your red grease pen and roll up your sleeves. You're now an editor at a major publishing house.

2. Read the "query letter" below and compose a response to the author in no more than 75 words. [The snarkier, the better!] Post your entry in a comment.

3. If your email address isn't attached to your Blogger profile, add it to the bottom of your comment/entry.

4. Contest runs through Tuesday. Winners posted Wednesday, Aug. 25. [If there are a big fat bunch of great entries, I just *might* pick the top several and have a public voting to determine winners!]

5. Top three entries will receive signed copies (personalized to you) of Kat Magendie's Tender Graces, and little Cajun goody treats! 

**Tweeting/FB'ing/posting linkage greatly appreciated and encouraged**

@@@  The Query Letter that lands on your desk....

Dear Mr./Miss Editer Two Whom It May concern:

Please find inclosed my womens fiction novel of 87,429 words! It will bee the next Number One Knew York Times Best Seller guaranteed!!!! Jump on my my offer to publish it pronto, or you'l be sorry. hahaha

Butt seriously, Moons O'er Miami is a funny, histerical book full of larger-than-life characatures and twisted plots, sortof like a cross between Rockie (Yo Adrian!) and Fried Green Tomaters...and all like that, and I've allready got the actors picked out for the Hollywood movie, so I'm way a head of the game and you can see how far thinking I am. I've also just made an website, a blog, and am jumping into the social net working pool with both feet, wich shows how eager and ready I am to help promote this new book for you!!

Please contact me immediately, or I can fly out there and sit down with you to talk things over and do lunch or a few martoonis. This offer is only good threw midnite on Sunday, cause after that I'm going to be talking to some other editor people and a few agents like my good friend Wally Lamb told me too.


Doofus Bergeron  -- Orpah's next guest (for reals!)


Kittie Howard said...

What a hoot! The grammar alone would eat through red pens. But, fun's fun; I'll play with this later.

Donna M. Kohlstrom said...

Laughed like crazy over this query letter! I don't think I have enough red pens to edit it! LOL!

Will get back to you and Doofus with a reply later!

Karen said...

Bwuaaahaa, (that's how I would start!) You need to know my name. Your grammar, well, what grammar? I will give this to my middle schooler to correct. I do not want your book. But I'll keep this letter for laughs.

To Whom It May Concern

Angie, what fun. lol....too funny!

Diane said...

Eeeeeeeek! I don't think I could be cruel enough to even respond to that. A feeling of sympathy and prayers that by God's grace that will NEVER be me..... :O)

Fun idea for a contest!!!!

Michelle Davidson Argyle said...

I've already won a copy of this book, otherwise I'd be ALL over this! :D

Linda Hoye said...

I'm trying to play down my "Mad Dog" persona (Really, that's what they call me at work!) so I just can't give in to the temptation to respond.

Stacy Post said...

Wowza! This letter needs tons of work. I don't think my red pen would be kind enough. (And I have Kat's fabulous book already.) Although I have to say, I wonder what a "martooni" would taste like. Would it be as fun to drink as it is to read?

Best of luck with the contest!

Rebecca Woodhead said...

That is hysterical. I'd love the book, but things are a bit hectic here so I may not be able to snark anything up for this one. Thanks for making me grin.


Debra L. Schubert said...

I'm sorry, was there something to edit in that perfect query letter? If, so it flew right past my eagle eyes.

If I were an editor at a big house, I'd sign Doofus up ASAP, sit back, dine on cosmos and chocolate, and watch the millions roll in!

kim said...

Dear Doofus Bergeron:

Thank you for your query. Due to the lack of emoticons, I’m sorry to inform you I must pass.

I'm sure that an emoticonless agent will feel differently.

Signed, SquinnySnarkySmilingSmirkyFullofAwesomenessAgent

Angelah said... just made my day........If the spelling in your letter is an indication of the content of the book.....I can see myself gainfully employed the whole of the coming year. I'm surprised you even need me. You seem to have it all figured and never let it be said that I took away from such greatness. Please proceed to do it by yourself......I do believe no one could do it better.

JKS said...

Thank you for your submission. All good novels go through several drafts before publication. This applies to query letters as well. We will be delighted to evaluate your query in a later draft. As for your women's fiction novel, our firm specializes in publishing literature. Literature suggests some passing familiarity with literacy. Enroll in your local community college now, pick up a remedial English course, and READ A BOOK for cryin' out loud!

Food Junkie said...

Doofus! Apart from the fact that your spelling is very original, your confidence is really amazing. A person such as yourself doesn't need an editor.....Perhaps a class in spelling? But don't let me tell you that.....I'm just another editor while you on the other hand, are as original as they come. You've thought of everything : the blogs, the social networking .....even a Hollywood movie.

Way to go! are ready to soar high Doofus..........

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