Hurricane Lessons Learned

L-R top: Porch Puppies; Shoot Me, Please; 2 Days After. Middle Row: Apt. Bldg. Next to my Hood; A Friend's Front Yard 9/11; Blue Tarps Flap in Hood. Bottom: Another Hood Shot.

Hurricane survival brings with it many lessons; some good, some bad. I've added to an email going around to gather the basic scoop for those unfamiliar with storm preps:

The ill humor (aggravation) quotient can be calculated by adding the number of children, pets and evacuees under your roof with the days you are without power. Multiply this figure by the amount of days your beleaguered power provider quoted you in estimate until power is returned to your neighborhood. Divide that by the total number of fans and portable A/C units you ran off generator in your home. (Multiply to the third power if you had no generator.) If you waited in line at Home Depot or Lowe's for a generator or supplies to run said generator, multiply by the compiled daily high temp of the period. If supplies ran out before your turn, add 5 thousand. Multiply your total again by the number of days left until school reopens. Subtract by the percentage of time spent at neighbors' who had power, plus the times you combined food and ate together, delivered or received ice, water, blue tarps and/or MRE's, helped (or were helped by someone else) removed limbs, operated a chainsaw, met a new neighbor, or spent time visiting and holding a real conversation. Also subtract by the number of out of state tree trimmers, linemen trucks, cammo-covered vehicles and/or guardsmen you've seen on the streets. Other rules of thumb:

1. Remember, no matter how many times you flick the switch, lights and appliances won't work without electricity. (Cussing doesn't activate the power either.)
2. Have a first aid kit handy. Someone will stub a toe, crunch a finger, or a teenager may put his foot through a window.
3. Wash all linens before the storm. You will have extra visitors.
4. If you had Beano in your house before a storm, the following emergency preps are not a good idea: Vienna sausages, potted meat, smothered onions on the BBQ pit, pickled anything and Spam.
5. Invest in the ridiculously expensive "no smell" shirts from a hunting show or catalog for all the boys/men you will be housing. Buy cheap t-shirts and underwear before a storm. Throw these away after use. You will not have powered washer/dryers.
6. Recalculate your normal gas mileage based on line-sitting, traffic jams, detours, and trees fallen across roads. Double that figure. Remember to report gas stations practicing price gouging.
7. Be prepared for an onslaught of love bugs and mosquitoes. Have insect repellent ready.
8. You're in for a long week when LSU cancels a football game.
9. Think of the learning opportunities for your children! Despite denial, kids can indeed relive their parents' "good old days" by having access to only two snowy television channels, being in at a reasonable hour due to mandatory city-wide curfew, visiting with "old folks," eating all of whatever's available. They can survive without fast food.
10. Pets will feel an even bigger urge to perform their worst habits. (Form a poop patrol beforehand so you'll know who's responsible for clearing indoor pathways every few hours.)
11. No traffic signals make Baton Rouge resemble Rome, Paris or Mexico. Remember, no one knows how to function at 4-way stops!
12. A 5 pound bag of ice will cool a six-pack decently in 16 minutes, and still keep the precious deer meat in the freezer semi-frozen for 8 more hours.
13. Libraries will be closed. Get books beforehand.
14. Normal, rational people will get into any line that forms...regardless if anything is being handed out or available for purchase.
15. Like fundraiser goodies, unhealthy items consumed during a hurricane/power outage have negative calories and are good for you.
16. The rest of the nation's news media will ignore your state/city/town if there are no photo ops like in New Orleans after Katrina. The only thing you will see on the news outside your area is the line formed for food stamps on day 8 after the hurricane.
17. Even political speeches are interesting if you've been without cable for long enough.
18. "Do u hv pwr?" will be the most popular text message.
19. Strangely, crickets, cicadas, frogs and other critters can increase their nightly noise to overcome the roar of several generators.
20. Coffee, spaghetti, pizza, and scrambled eggs work well on the grill.
21. No one bitches about their utility and cable bills during and immediately following a hurricane.
22. There are a lot more stars in the sky and they are much brighter than most people think. Car headlights can blind you once your eyes have become accustomed to lots of darkness.
23. It is okay to pray the next hurricane (like Ike) hits some other state if you've already suffered one in the past few weeks and many people in your own state are still without power.
24. You've never thought so fondly of or prayed for first responders, health care professionals, service technicians, teachers, emergency workers, military, mom & pop businesses and big chains, some elected officials, and the thousands who've come to restore wholeness with their time and talent as you do after a hurricane.
25. That old saying is definitely true: You don't miss the water till the well runs dry.
26. The most important lesson of all? The human spirit has an amazing resilience that even a hurricane can't crush. People are mostly good. Through God's grace, love and mercy, we can endure all things.