No matter where you are, y'all keep warm, stay safe, and may you laugh your way into a long cozy weekend.
Boudreaux goes to pick up his best friend Thibodaux at the New Orleans Airport. Thib is finally coming home from Miami after staying a few extra days to party after the Saints' awesome Super Bowl win.
Boo realizes he's running late and steps on the gas. Soon he's stopped for going 120 in a 65. The State Trooper tells Boudreaux, "Boy, I been waiting for you all day."
Boudreaux doesn't miss a beat and says, "Mais, I got here as fast as I could!"
Boudreaux staggers home very late after another evening of drinking with his buddy Thibodaux. He takes off his shoes so he doesn't wake up his wife Clotile.
Boo tiptoes as quietly as he can toward the stairs leading up to their bedroom, but misjudges the bottom step. Luckily, he catches himself by grabbing the banister, his body swinging around wildly, then lands heavily on his bahonkus with a thud. Whiskey bottles in both back pockets break and make the landing even more painful.
Managing not to yell, Boudreaux springs up, pulls down his pants, and looks in the hall mirror to see his butt cheeks cut and bleeding.
Trying to straighten himself out, Boudreaux manages to find a full box of Band-Aids. Quietly, he begins putting the bandages on every place he sees blood. He hides the nearly empty box before shuffling and stumbling his way to bed. In the morning, Boudreaux wakes up with searing pain in both his head and his butt, unsure of which is which. Clotile stares at him from across the room.
Boo's wife says through her frown, "You was drunk as a skunk again lass (last) night, you!"
Boudreaux hangs his head and asks, " Mon sha (cher/love), how you say such a mean ting(thing) 'bout me?"
"Mais," Clotile says, "it could be da open front door...it could be da broken glass at da bottom of dem stairs...it could be da blood drops trailing all trew (through) da house...it could be dat you got blood-shot eyes...but mosley (mostly)...it's all dose (those) Band-Aids stuck on da downstairs mirror."
Boudreaux is out in da field talkin' wit his frien Thibodaux. Thib says, "Hey Boo, you see dat ol' barn out dere?"
Boo shades his eyes and finds the barn Thib is talking about. "Mais yah, I see dat."
"Well man, it's completely infestered wit rats. I tried everyting I know of, but I can't get rid of 'em."
Boudreaux thinks a minute and says, "Mais, Thib, I know xactly how to get rid of dem rats.
You gotta get you one of dem bull constriptors."
"What's a bull constriptor?"
"Man, dats one of dem big ole snakes dat loves to eat rats and juss (just) swallows 'em down whole all at once."
Well, da nex day Thibodaux goes down to Klibert's Reptile Farm and buys him da biggest bull constripter dat dey got. He brings dat snake to da barn an lets him loose right in da middle and stands back to watch for a long time. After hours of seeing nuttin' happen, Thib gets bored. Dat big ole snake juss curls hisself up in da middle of da born and sleeps all day. Dem rats juss run all around not worried one bit.
Thibodaux gets real frustrated and calls up Boo on da phone. "Boudreaux, man, dats some bad advice you done gave me 'bout dat snake. Dem rats is still runnin' all around and dat snake juss lays dere sleepin' all day long."
Boudreaux says, "Man, Thibodaux, I know juss what to do. Give dat snake some Viagra."
"What? Viagra? What's dat's gonna do?"
"I was just listening to da radio and da man say dat Viagra is da best ting to use for a reptile dysfunction!"