Friday Funnies - Blonde Goes Postal

Yay, it's Friday! Hope you have a few laughs this weekend. :D Here's a little humor to get you started right ~~~

A blonde needs some stamps for Easter cards she's mailing out, so goes to the post office for her purchase. 


She asks the clerk, "May I have 50 Easter stamps with cute little bunnies or pretty flowers on them, please?" 


The clerk asks, "What denomination?" 


The blonde swings her long hair, digs a calculator out of her purse and starts calculating. Finally she says in a snide voice, "Well! Has it come to this? Give me 22 Catholics, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran, and 6 Baptists." 

Friday Funnies ~~ Seven Degrees of Coonass, A Blonde & A Lawyer

 Here's one last Cajun joke squeezed in before the end of the year. May we all have a little more laughter and joy in 2011!!!

Love y'all. XXO  :)

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SEVEN DEGREES OF COONASS

FIRST DEGREE
Boudreaux and his wife were asleep when the phone rang at two in the morning.


Boudreaux picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know? Dat's  200 miles from here!" and hung up.


The wife said, "Mais, Boo, who was dat?"


Boudreaux answered, "I don't know, some man wanting to know if da coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two Cajuns are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. He opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, dis person looks familiar." The second Cajun says, "Here, lemme see!" So the first Cajun hands him the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
Boudreaux suspects his wife of cheating on him, so he goes out and buys a gun. He goes to his house unexpectedly and when he opens the door he finds her in the arms of another man. Well, Boudreaux is really angry. He pulls out the gun, and as he does so, he is overcome with grief. He takes the gun and puts it to his head. His wife yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"


Boudreaux replies, "Shut up, you're next!"


FOURTH DEGREE
Boudreaux was bragging about his knowledge of state capitals. He proudly says, "Go ahead, and axe (ask) me, I know all dem  capitals." Thibodaux says, "OK, what's da capital of Wisconsin?"

Boudreaux replies, "Oh, dat's a easy one! It's W." 


FIFTH DEGREE
What did the Cajun girl ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?


"Is it mine?"


SIXTH DEGREE
Boudreaux, a Cajun in his fourth year as an LSU Freshman, sat in his US Government class. The professor asked Boudreaux if he knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Boudreaux pondered the question then finally said, "Dat was da decision George Washington had to make before he crossed da Delaware "


SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, Boudreaux was shocked to find his house ransacked and burglarized. He telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Boudreaux ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting his face in his hands, Boudreaux moaned, "Oh yai yai. Me, I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call da police for help, and what y'all do? Y'all send me a BLIND officer!"
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Now, just for good measure, I'm throwing in a blonde joke and a lawyer joke so I can be an equal opportunity insulter! :D

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A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass.

She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to Walmart! 

Why Walmart? 

HELLOOOOOOOOO! Walmart's the largest re-tailer in the world!!!
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A lawyer boards a plane in New Orleans...with a box of frozen crabs under his arm. He asks a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She takes the box and promises to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he's a lawyer, and proceeds to rant at her about what will happen if she lets them thaw out.

Needless to say, she is annoyed by his behavior. 

Shortly before landing in New York, she uses the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up, so she takes the crabs home and eats them. 

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't always as dumb as most folks think.  

Friday Foibles ~~ Politically Incorrect Blonde Humor

Thanks to all of you contestants who entered the Writerly Wednesday Flower Power contest! I'll be choosing winners over the weekend!!

Now, on with our TGIF fun. I've been pickin' on my own Ragin' Cajun folks lately, so it's time to find a new group of victims. Hmmmm...how's about a little stroll through Blondedom? hehe

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A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has
been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this!," and goes downstairs.

After a long while, she finally comes back up to bed. Her husband says "The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard. Let's see how THEY like it!" 

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Two Blondes With Hammers...

Lynn and Judy were doing some work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into hr nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?'

Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end so I throw them away."

Judy got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

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Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

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A blonde was driving home after a football game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little Harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first!"

Politically Incorrect Kartoons ~ Blonde Security

Happy, restful Sunday! I'm wrestling with some life junk (again), and editing a lovely manuscript, so my time in Blogaritaville has been limited (again). But I'm thinking about y'all and visiting when I can. Until things level out, I hope you'll enjoy today's blonde moment since Boudreaux & Thibodaux are still out in the woods hunting. Huggage!

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During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was constantly emailing the websites she frequently visited to ask for her password. The help techs talked among themselves about the well known blonde customer and her daily confusion.

It was discovered that she was using the following password:


MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why she created such a big password, she said, "Doh! All the websites and 'earls' (url's) I go to tell me I have to make them at least eight characters long."

Politically Incorrect - Blonde Emergency

Before we unfurl the Sunday Funnies, don't forget that the Book Title contest ends at midnight tonight, Central Time. There's already @ 70 entries, but don't let that dampen your enthusiasm if you wanna give it a whirl. Even if you're not entering, it's fun and interesting to read the entries so far! If you DO wanna throw your title suggestion into the ring, see the original post, rules and prizes HERE. And bon chance (good luck), y'all!

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Seems as how those crazy Cajuns Boudreaux and Thibodaux had a bit too good a time last night at the LSU vs. Georgia game, shouting them on to a last minute victory. Da boys is a bit too under da weather today to spread some Boo & Thib humor.

Not to worry; there are always politically incorrect jokes in abundance! Here's one featuring a woman of the blonde persuasion. Enjoy.

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A blonde has a flat tire on the interstate, so she eases her car over to the road's shoulder, then carefully gets out of her car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them, and stands them at the rear of her car facing oncoming traffic.

They look so life like you wouldn't believe it! They're wearing trenchcoats and are exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers.

To the blonde's surprise, cars start slowing down to look at the life-like men which she thinks make it safer for her to work on the side of the road. Naturally, traffic starts to back up. Everyone is tooting their horns and waving like crazy.

It's not long before a state trooper pulls up behind her, gets out of his cruiser, and walks toward her. The blonde can tell he's not a happy camper!

"What's going on here?" he barks.

The blonde says calmly, "My car has a flat tire." 

"'Well, what the are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"

The blonde can't believe he doesn't know. She tells him, "Helloooooo, those are my..............

Emergency Flashers!" 

Five Blondes & A Cowboy

For your TGIF viewing pleasure~~~

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it's only fair, given that you're blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "Naw...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Ayiiiiieeeeee! (Cajun cowboy yell.)